a Gypsy at heart

July 9, 2010

More than anything I love to vacation. I mean who doesn’t? But this girl is wanderlust, for sure. I feel claustrophobic when I am stuck in the same place for too long.  Don’t get me wrong, I love having my cozy, happy little home base with my oh so excited about life dogs snuggling up with me on the couch.  But sometimes I dream of having no responsibilities or ties and just seeing the world.  How beautiful that sounds… to wander with no plan and meet new friends everyday. I would dive into local dishes for every meal and soak up the beauty that every place on this earth offers if you look hard enough.  Yes I would fit quite nicely into a gypsy lifestyle.  Unfortunately I have no money and am not the kind of girl that wants to stay in a hostel… So here’s to retirement! I am one day closer to you…

PS Anthony Bourdain- Whenever you decide that you want to drop your wife and invite me along on your travels, I’m ready. We could travel the world being superior and condescending to everyone, while getting drunk and eating weird shit. Can’t wait to hear from you!

Ditching your ego…

July 8, 2010

I wish I could lose my ego.  I think it is the biggest barrier stopping happiness from entering my life.  I wish I could stop caring about what people think of me, about being the best at things, about thinking I have to impress people or that people need to see me as a girl that can do it all.  What do I care? I hate that I don’t ask questions because I don’t want people to think I am stupid. I hate that I am so concerned with other people’s thoughts! I don’t know everything and I make mistakes and do and say things without thinking. Everyone does.  If I could just live in the moment and focus on my present self then maybe all of these defenses that I cling to will fall away… and maybe I can really just be.  Not worrying about being successful… just doing things because they feel good. Learning things because I want to… and telling people how I feel about them without fear that they will reject. If I can ditch the ego even for a few hours a day, there may just be hope for me yet.

Holiday cheer

July 2, 2010

I love holidays.  I love them all. And not even because you get a day off of work.  I love that people feel obligated to get together and play. I love that it’s an excuse to have 13 different dips and you can eat all that dip and polish it off with 6 desserts and call it a good day.  There is no judgment involved.  In fact people actually encourage it and if you aren’t a glutton then something is wrong with you!

Sometimes it is hard for me to accept this mentality actually, as I am a bit obsessive about food.  Food and me… we have a pretty unhealthy relationship.  I have spent the better part of 20 years either on a diet or adamantly proclaiming that I was NOT on a diet and eating myself into oblivion. And do the math there… that is since I was about 10 years old.  That is so ridiculous! It makes me sad to think that there are many others out there that have that “all or nothing” attitude, where food is good or bad. News flash… last I checked pizza and donuts weren’t on an all night crime spree robbing and murdering people, so it can’t be that bad!  Food is food and all food has a place in this world.  Even though I may rant about processed food and chemicals and avoid them like the plague, sometimes a ding dong and a soda find their way into my life.  And this is ok. And so is enjoying a holiday with your family and friends, where you share in special foods and overload your taste buds and tummy with cheese and cookies. Because everything is ok in moderation. Even moderation.

So here is to having a beautiful 4th of July, where we can drink and eat and laugh to our hearts content! May we go to bed with visions of fireworks and friends in our heads and dream of the sweet life, where food is merely our friend.

Oh how I wish it was 1958 and we were basking in the sun on a coast somewhere.  Spending the afternoon laughing and gossiping and eating sandwiches that we brought with us wrapped in wax paper.  We could play all day, getting golden brown without the fear of sun damage. Then when the sun starts to set we would get gussied up in our finest dresses, and wear beatiful red lipstick and go out on a dates with our steadies. We would go have a burger and a malt because we wouldn’t be scared of real food.  We would laugh and dance and end the night sitting on a blanket on the beach watching the stars and dreaming of what our grown up lives would be like.  This all sounds so lovely… except one problem for me… I would have been forced to wear the thickest, most unattractive glasses in the world! No thanks! I may dream of being Gidget or Annette but the sad reality is that I would have been the ugly duckling nerd of the group and as we all now, Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses! Thank god for technology and Lasik eye surgery…

lovely…

June 30, 2010

 
Photo from Kissthegroom.com
 
 
One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. 
Paulo Coelho

Half Year’s Day!

June 30, 2010

So it occurred to me that July 1st is the midpoint of the year. Not sure how this just now occurred to me but then again I only just discovered my half-birthday a few years ago. Man the mileage I could have gotten out of that one as a child! Anyway, July 1st is half way past and half way to New Year’s. It is the built in fresh start, where everyone vows to make life changes and rid their lives of bad habits. It also occurred to me that I have never once done a 6 month check in to see exactly how I am doing on those declarations I was so serious about at the start of the year. Never have I thought to see if they even still apply, or if my whole life focus has shifted (as mine does daily). Let the 6-month checkups begin I say! What better way to really own up to your progress (or lack of) on being a better person and having a better life.

My intent for creating resolutions this year was to focus on the realistic and not the usual “get rich and skinny” type goals. Here goes:

1. Be serious about living healthfully- check
2. Try to be kinder and more understanding- semi check?
3. Try harder to cultivate my friendships (meaning even when I am tired and don’t want to talk, make an effort to answer the phone)- semi check, again.
4. Be true to my word- check
5. Be honest- check
6. Be myself completely- working on it…
7. Let myself love and be loved- nope. Still not happening. What the hell is my problem!?
8. Travel more- check!
9. Be more financially responsible- once again… working on it.
10. Be a better daughter/sister- could use some work, but not too bad.

Hmmm… I guess I am not doing so bad, but still have much work cut out for me. I still have 6 months to work on the rest and I have faith. I mean, you have to have faith in yourself, right? Trust me, no one will believe in you if you don’t even believe yourself. I know this is cheesy sounding and cliché but it’s so true.

I am going to make my life what I want it to be and I am finally done fighting myself. I do deserve happiness and love, both of which I have successfully avoided for most of my life. And I am finally going to admit something… I don’t think love is a myth. There I said it. I think I finally realized that I was so hard and hateful toward love because I never thought I could have it. But that is bullshit. If I just stop telling myself I will never be or have something, maybe I could use all that energy to get/have it. So simple.

So with that being said… Here’s to an amazing, fun filled glorious end to 2010, where all my dreams come true and new ones are born.

Here is a list that I intend to make happen in the last half of the year:
1. Fall in love with exercise.
2. Grow an herb plant.
3. Take a road trip with no plans.
4. Take more pictures.
5. Make a new life long friend.
6. Learn to barbeque.
7. Fall in love with myself.
8. Read 6 books.
9. Be able to run a mile without stopping.
10.Fall in love… for reals.

This week feels heavy. Or I feel heavy. Haven’t quite figured out what is heavy but I know that life feels difficult right now. There is no reason in particular and nothing that I am struggling with, other than maybe the lack of anything to struggle with? How can freedom seems like detention? I have no obligations in life right now other than to get up and go to work 5 days a week and I should be relishing my freedom to laze about and relax. But I can’t. I can’t relax or enjoy my free time because it is lonely and boring. Who needs to relax when there is no stress in life? Not that I am asking for trouble by any means, I just want some meaning. As much as I love solitude and recharging, it means nothing when that is all you have.
Oh how I wish I had someone to laze about with. Someone to make pizza dough and peanut butter cookies for. Someone with which to plan a holiday weekend. Is there something that is wrong with me? Why oh why can’t I open up to people and let them close? Why does it take so long for me to warm up to people? I hope that I can fall in love. I am not even sure I am capable. And while I am wishing I hope that I am loveable.

Week One Down!

May 17, 2010

Ok… so week one of my weight loss challenge was rough. I guess going from the 10,000 calories a day I was eating while on vacation in Ireland down to the 1,500-1,800 calories I cut back to was probably the culprit of my bad attitude! I swear sometimes I don’t know who I think I am… I go from being perfectly healthy and food conscious to stuffing my face with whatever sounds good, as if I need to “put on” some weight or something! I mean last I checked I am not Renee Zellweger, and I do not have a role as a chubby heartworming british girl on the horizon. Anyway, I digress… so needless to say it was quite a transition going from “vacation” mentality back to reality, so I spent the better part of last week STARVING! But I made it and I feel back on track. I have yet to weigh in, but I stayed within my alloted calorie range most days last week and was pretty active. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the hardwork is about to pay off! Unfortunately, I have a beach trip this weekend and I don’t think 5 days is enough time to lose 30 lbs… oh well!

So the time has come for me to get super serious about losing weight.  I was doing beautifully while training for the half-marathon in Feb. but after that life got the best of me and I got bogged down with finishing up my last undergrad semester, finding a place to live and going to Ireland.  All of those were of course wonderful things, however they derailed me from my fitness/health goals and I am once again FAT. I realize that I am not much bigger than I was 3 months ago, but I feel like I have tripled in size and I am disgusted.  Do you ever get to that point in life where you are fed up with yourself?  Well I know that I do, and my friends express these feeling too.  So for the 487th time, I am getting serious about my health and dropping these LBS!!! First order of business is to get some food in my empty refrigerator… The poor thing must have been lonely all these weeks with only the condiments to hang out with. Next, re-establish my workout regimen.  I am beginning a 6 month training plan for another half-marathon in Nov. so this will help!

      Also, I have 2 separate weight loss contests going on with friends.  Margie and I are doing a “biggest loser” style contests for 3 months, and the loser has to fly to visit the other.  Katie and I are participating in the same type of competition, however the loser for that has to agree to be fixed up on a blind date with the person of the winner’s choosing. Scary! Both of these contests should provide the much needed motivation to get my act together.  

      My goal is to lose 50 lbs by January of 2011. I know that I can do it, and I realize that it will take a lot of hard work and dedication.  I have to do this for myself… I am not going to waste my 30’s being overweight and unhealthy.  It would be a shame to waste my “cute” years. 

      I will being to chronicle my meals for the week, starting this week, and  I will check in once a week with my weight loss.  Here we go…

My favorite snack!

March 9, 2010

I must share my favorite snack… I have been eating this several times a week for a few years and it never occurred to me that other people don’t know about it… because it is SO simple! and good for you… and delish! especially if you have a salty tooth like me!

Mexican Cucumbers

Peel and slice a cucumber into thin slices.

Place slices in a bowl and sprinkle salt and chili powder over the slices.

Squeeze the juice of a lime over the seasoned slices and get a fork! or use your fingers… I won’t tell anyone!