Go away!

August 24, 2010

I am soooooooooo over it. I mean it.  I cannot stand one more day of this suffocating, exhausting, unnecessary discomfort. Summer, we get it. You are HOTT and we love you because you make it feel amazing to jump into a briskly cold river, eat snow cones and wear cute little dresses and sandals. But then you get all dramatic and extreme on us and we have to start avoiding you at all costs. You have made me a hostage in my own home/office, where my new bestie air conditioning,  is the only one making it bearable to live. Summer you have worn out your welcome and it is time to go now.  You will always have a place in my heart and it is definitely not over between us. I just need some space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know?  Give me a few months and I will start to get all nostalgic about you and then a few more months and I might even be super excited to see you… but for now… we need to part ways.

I need pumpkin. I am talking pie, lattes, bread, soup… whatever vehicle you can put pumpkin into, I am driving. I also need boots. Tall boots with leggings, short boots with jeans… whatever just please let me wear some damn boots. I am dreaming in camel colors and plaids… and cardigans… for the love of GOD please let it be time to wear a friggin cardigan… Oh Fall, my true love we shall be reunited soon… Even though you are such a tease and come and go like a sailor on leave, you will always have my undying devotion.  


Live it

August 12, 2010

“Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a class or flunk a test. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride.” – Solbeam

Maybe life is meant to be lived completely manic?! In the middle is just boring and passionless… and generally fruitless. Life should be abused and destroyed then nurtured and revived… revamped… and not left with the plastic on so it doesn’t get dirty (contrary to what my mother thinks).

So in keeping with my theme this week of being an active participant in your life, let’s all go out there and do something great this weekend.

Eat something so extravagant and delicious that it makes you feel like you ate a piece of life itself …

Talk to a stranger and be whoever you really want to be in that instant without fear of judgment…

Order a bottle of bubbly just because you want to celebrate Friday night dinner with one of your besties… ( Hi Katie!)

Get dressed up and look good… feel good… even if just to go to a friends house to lounge about…

Live like you love every little thing about your life and indulge and scream and cackle with laughter as much as possible…

Just don’t space out and hide and waste your precious life minutes being afraid… even if just for this one short weekend.

Me and The Boss

August 11, 2010

“Lights out tonight
trouble in the heartland
Got a head-on collision
smashin’ in my guts, man
I’m caught in a cross fire
that I don’t understand
But there’s one thing I know for sure girl
I don’t give a damn
For the same old played out scenes
I don’t give a damn
For just the in betweens
Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul
I want control right now
talk about a dream
Try to make it real
you wake up in the night
With a fear so real
Spend your life waiting
for a moment that just don’t come
Well, don’t waste your time waiting…”

– Badlands- Bruce Springsteen

I am an intense, fanatical lover of The Boss.  I think that we are kindred spirits and that maybe we share a tiny piece of soul in some far away parallel universe.  No one can put my feelings into words better than him, and I literally feel his music in the marrow of my bones. How did he know in 1978 when Badlands was written (coincidentally the year of my birth) how I was going to feel when I was 32 years old? Maybe it’s not a coincidence and with sharing that piece of soul like we do, it inspired him to write a song for me to seek comfort in when I feel lost. 

Yeah! That sounds like exactly what happened… so from this point forward I will be telling everyone that Bruce wrote a song for me. And that we are very close. Because in my mind we are besties.

 If only I could ask him if he too felt like this… like he was on the on the verge of something bigger?  Did he feel the heaviness of the stagnant energy weighing him down like 15 tons of bricks.

Because that is how I feel. Right now. Like everything is redundant, same ole same ole, and its played out… like a motherfucker.

I want something to sink my teeth into that is all for me. Something that jumps starts my dead battery. Something that ignites a fire and makes me feel glad to be alive. Cuz as Bruce says “it ain’t no sin to be glad your alive.”  

 I don’t want to “waste my time waiting for a moment that just don’t come”… and that’s what I have been doing for all this time. I have been waiting for something amazing to just happen to me, some passion to find me, be it a job, a man or even friends that “get” me. Well, I think Bruce is saying that things don’t just happen to you. Life requires active participation… Geez… this would be so much easier if Bruce wasn’t so cryptic! I guess he wants me to realize the lesson on my own…

 Here is my own analogy. Fabric doesn’t just morph into a beautiful dress. You have to weave it, dye it, cut it, and sew it. Even when it is an actual dress you have to care for it and clean it and iron when necessary.  And then when you have outgrown that beautiful dress, physically or fashionably, pass it on to a new owner.  Nothing is permanent and everything is constantly changing around you so stop clinging to the dress that doesn’t fit you or your life anymore!

 Wow what a long twisted road of a ramble we went on today… not sure if any of that makes sense.

and I believe that feelings of unhappiness and restlessness  mean that your soul is aware that you are on the cusp of change… and it’s ready for it.  

If you weren’t uncomfortable what would urge you to seek something better? Take boredom as a sign that excitement is on the horizon.

Happy weekend to all!

Ration your passion

August 5, 2010

But life is long. And it is the long run that balances the short flare of interest and passion
Sylvia Plath


My life is lacking in passion. I am a very passionate person, some may confuse this with being dramatic, but those people are usually assholes anyway.  So passion.  I have none at the moment. I am not obsessed with anything… not even realty excited about anything. This happens to me every so often. I hit a valley in my life where everything is boring and gray and monotone. There is no crush to day dream about and no fabulous plans on the horizon. Just the job that literally bores me to tears most days, then home to wait out the hours until the sun goes down when I can go to bed without feeling like a loser. I am having a jumpy jittering feeling as though I have outgrown my life as it currently exists, and I am anxiously waiting for it to catch up with me. But life is slow and inconsiderate and is taking it’s sweet time. I desperately need something that makes me swell with joy and excitement… I will take anything! A new friend, a cute boy to flirt with, a new hobby, a new job… anything! Just something that will awaken metaphorical life within my literal life.  I think the time has come for me to stop sitting around waiting for shit to happen and instead make shit happen. Well hope springs eternal, so here is to a life changing weekend ahead! Cheers.