What’s happens now?

July 14, 2010

 

What am I supposed to do? What does in fact come next? I am so terrified of making the wrong decision that it is almost paralyzing and I want to avoid the future all together.  But really could anything be so bad? I have been through hell and back several times mentally, emotionally and physically and I always do indeed make it back. I feel so much pressure because I feel like each decision that I make drastically alters the map of my life.  Like a choose your own adventure book, each choice I make leads to a whole new set of choices, all of which would never have materialized if I had never taken this path in the first place! Too much to compute… brain shutting down…  It is so intense to think about life in this way. That every single decision I make day in and day out has a major effect on the rest of my life. How is one to take this in and continue to go on living a carefree existence? I guess if I think about it, I will never know the life that stems from the choices I chose not to make so there is nothing to mourn. That life could have been great but chances are it could have been awful too.  To focus on the here and now… the present is what is going to keep me in motion.  If I am happy right now then I bet I can be happy tomorrow… regardless of the choices made and opportunities lost.  The future is important but the present is here and essential.

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