Feeling blue and insecure too…

June 28, 2010

This week feels heavy. Or I feel heavy. Haven’t quite figured out what is heavy but I know that life feels difficult right now. There is no reason in particular and nothing that I am struggling with, other than maybe the lack of anything to struggle with? How can freedom seems like detention? I have no obligations in life right now other than to get up and go to work 5 days a week and I should be relishing my freedom to laze about and relax. But I can’t. I can’t relax or enjoy my free time because it is lonely and boring. Who needs to relax when there is no stress in life? Not that I am asking for trouble by any means, I just want some meaning. As much as I love solitude and recharging, it means nothing when that is all you have.
Oh how I wish I had someone to laze about with. Someone to make pizza dough and peanut butter cookies for. Someone with which to plan a holiday weekend. Is there something that is wrong with me? Why oh why can’t I open up to people and let them close? Why does it take so long for me to warm up to people? I hope that I can fall in love. I am not even sure I am capable. And while I am wishing I hope that I am loveable.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: